Did the texas chain saw massacre really happen

#Did the texas chain saw massacre really happen skin
#Did the texas chain saw massacre really happen series

Stop draining the canon for every ounce of Caro syrup that itвЂ™s worth. (YouвЂ™ll spot вЂњhomagesвЂќ to The Shining, Halloween вЂ™78 and a few other staples of a youth spent in video stores and conventions.) Stop exploiting fandom, nostalgia and brand recognition for your lazy, piss-poor attempts to make a name for yourself on the backs of your genre ancestors. Stop thinking that by referencing other classic horror movies in addition to the legacy youвЂ™re already pilfering somehow makes you clever.

#Did the texas chain saw massacre really happen series

(And even GreenвЂ™s revitalized series couldnвЂ™t sustain its momentum.) Stop bringing back old stars for easy in-jokes and cameos for every ingenious revisiting of longtime final girls and famous gore-cinema lunatics a la David Gordon GreenвЂ™s 2018 Halloween, there are dozens upon dozens of examples where trotting out the recognizable faces of yesteryear registers as empty fan-service gestures. Stop slapping вЂњa new beginningвЂќ or вЂњthe next generationвЂќ after the title - every era of teenagers may deserve to get their own encounters with hall-of-fame screen killers, but simply using fresh blood as a fresh coat of paint on a vintage title without adding anything to the proceedings is unimaginative.

Stop giving them endless, belated sequels, or prequels, or вЂњrequels.вЂќ Stop ginning up weak origin stories for the boogeymen at the center of them. No, the message is something thatвЂ™s been abundantly clear for a good long while, and that this latest corpse-humping of Tobe HooperвЂ™s 1974 gritty, grotty, proto-slasher nightmare proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, needs to now be treated as common sense. ItвЂ™s not even вЂњWe came, we chainsawed, we conquered.вЂќ

#Did the texas chain saw massacre really happen skin

ItвЂ™s not that the best masks can be made from the skin of a recently deceived loved one. ItвЂ™s not that you should always keep a chainsaw hidden in your bedroom wall, should you potentially need to use it on some pesky twentysomethings in the near future. How True Is 'Respect'? Fact-Checking the Aretha Franklin Biopic Meet the Beatle: A Guide to Ringo Starr's Solo Career in 20 Songs Her heart may not be able to take the strain, and should anything happen to her, it might upset the conspicuously hulking presence she keeps referring to as her вЂњlast boy.вЂќ ItвЂ™s not that you should always make sure you have your facts straight when youвЂ™re kicking an old lady out of the orphanage sheвЂ™s run for decades, as she may have never actually signed over the property.

ItвЂ™s not that you should hold off offending the redneck you meet in a gas station even if you think his big olвЂ™ pickup truck is a form of overcompensation, as he may end up being an ally to you later on.

ItвЂ™s not that hipsters should ixnay gentrifying ghost towns in the dustier corners of the Lone Star state, even if one of them is a celebrity chef and their idea of revitalizing a long-abandoned main street with a hoity-toity bistro will attract tourists. ThereвЂ™s a very important message embedded in this brand new, fresh-off-the-chopping-block version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and itвЂ™s one that should be carved crudely in stone with whatever sharp instrument you have on hand, mechanized or otherwise.